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The Father Fracture
Broken Father Relationships

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          1 John 1:1-3That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life; (For the life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and show unto you that eternal life, which was with the Father, and was manifested unto us;) That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.”

          Jesus came to show us the Father. He came to redeem us back to the Father, to show us the love of the Father for us, the mercy and compassion and forgiveness of the Father for us. If we truly see Him, as He said, we will see the Father, the nature and character of the Father and what He is like for He said, “I and my Father are one” (John 10:30) and “he that hath seen me hath seen the Father;” (John 14:9). When we are filled with Jesus, then we will be filled with the Father and His love for us and united with them through that love. John 14:23 If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.” When we are filled with Jesus, we will love Him and obey Him and so the Father will love us and they will come and abide within us. In Revelation 3:20 Jesus said; “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” When we receive Jesus and His love, we receive the Father and His love for they are one in Spirit and work together in all things for the Father is the source of all things.

Most problems in our adult lives stem from what is called the Father fracture. There is in every one of our lives, some area that is broken or not right because of the way we were raised or weren’t raised. Our wrong relationship with our father leaves a fracture in our soul that shapes the way we react in life, that shapes the way we treat others and that shapes the way we see the world. For some the scars are devastating. If there was a physical or sexual abuse it is something many never get over and it keeps them from ever being happy, secure and confident as adults. For others there is just a deficiency in our lives, something lacking or missing and there is no inner peace or wholeness, even with the things of God that we have and all that He has done for us, this empty hole will never be filled up until it is filled up with Him, with our heavenly Father.

          This father fracture is where inferiority and insecurity have the fertile soil to grow up in and where these forces are fertilized. If you were abused by a father you have the tendency to internalize feelings of self hatred that will lead to depression and in some cases a strong desire to take your own life. Why? Because the one man who was supposed to validate you, confirm you and accept you unconditionally, took something from you. The one who was supposed to give you a healthy identity left you scarred and damaged.

          According to sociologists, if you talk to and question homosexuals or lesbians there is something that you will find common with them all. Either they didn’t have their father around in their life or if they did, he had no strength of character and their mother ruled the roost. They grew up with women as the dominant authority in their lives, not men. Some men were taught to relieve themselves like a woman, by their mothers and were trained more like a daughter should be trained than a son. The women likewise either didn’t have a father there for them or had a father that was worthless and their mother was the authority and ruled the house. The common thread is a mother authority ran the house and disciplined and trained them instead of a father.

          Women who were physically and sexually abused by their fathers end up with poor self esteem, getting involved in abusive relationship or selling their bodies cheaply because they have no sense of self worth and value because it was not instilled by a father who loved them, cherished and nourished them, confirmed and protected them from which they could gain confidence and proper self worth.

          Many of us learn to limp along with this fracture in life. Many didn’t have a father that abused them, but they had a passive father that didn’t’ take interest in God’s purpose for their lives, a passive father who didn’t have a vision for his life or didn’t put in front of us a vision for our lives. We have not understood God’s instruction for parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6) meaning they are to initiate, dedicate and discipline them in the proper course of life for them, putting them on the right path in life. Because they had no one to give them direction in and for their lives, there is still a father fracture. Many didn’t have a father at all and there is a fracture left from that emptiness in God’s plan for our growth in maturing.

Those who are the most happy and satisfied people in life, who are settled and balanced in life are those who had a pure and healthy relationship with their father because it gave them a picture of what life was supposed to be like with God. When we have seen the Father, when we have a true picture and understanding of Him and a relationship with Him, then and only then will we will be satisfied in our life.

          It is extremely difficult for a man or woman to fail in life if his or her father raised them right with the proper affection and strength that he should have. But few of us have had that experience that God intended for us to have and so many of us are like orphans, even if our dad was a good man, he didn’t know how to raise us the way God wanted us to be raised, to point us to God, to direct us and show us God as father. Maybe our fathers were strict and there is nothing wrong with that, but they also need to be loving and affectionate as well. God is that way. He is strict and demanding, but also very loving and forgiving.

          The perfect balance is in our heavenly father. We have so many single parent homes, so many passive fathers with no vision for their own life or for that of their children, just making it through the day, the week, the job. Many of us live in a generation that is letting society raise our kids, the schools and universities, the TV with its humanistic and anti-god culture. We let the world establish our young people’s expectations.

But I will say this. Show me a boy or girl that has been embraced by a loving father, who is a kind, generous, sacrificing,  emotionally stable and holy man and I will show you a boy or girl that needs little attention from the appetites of this world, who need little attention from the takers of society, who needs no alcohol or drugs to satisfy them, who need no attention from others to feel important with a good sense of self worth, a girl who needs no man to love her sexually in order for her to feel whole.

Many ladies sell their bodies to be loved by a man because their father didn’t love them and confirm them. They try to find that love through physical sexual relations because they don’t understand that it isn’t physical and they won’t find the love and affection they desire that way, because their problem is spiritual and emotional and true love, acceptance and confirmation can only come from one who truly loves them and not one whom they are allowing to use them for physical pleasure. When it is over, they are still empty because there is no sharing of and joining of soul and spirit. Physical sexual relations will only be satisfying and what God intended when it comes within the bonds of marriage with someone who truly loves you and that joining is out of love for one another not just an animal instinct like a brute beast for physical gratification by one who just lives by his flesh.

          When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, He told them to pray this way, “Our Father.” The first two words, the beginning focus of their prayer was to be on the heavenly Father. Not our sovereign Lord, creator of heaven and earth, king of the universe and all creation, but “our Father”.  When Jesus prayed, He said’ “Father”. He had no fracture in His soul because He saw the Father the way He truly is. He had a proper healthy relationship with His heavenly Father and I am sure with his godly human father, who we know was obedient to the heavenly Father, who loved and protected his espoused wife when he found she was pregnant and cared, provided for and protected his family, including Jesus.

          Our distorted view of the heavenly Father leads us to so many problems in our lives. But that view of God usually comes from our view of our earthly father. Perhaps you have a father who abandoned you, abused you, belittled you or maybe he didn’t treat you badly but he was just to passive to know how to comfort you, encourage you, embrace you, and kiss you. All that can change today and this father fracture can be healed. Jesus didn’t just come to save us from our sins, though He did a perfect job of doing that, He came to show us the Father and restore us to the Father. He came to make a way for us to know God as our Father. Galatians 4:6And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.” The Greek word for Father means parent. Every boy and girl needs to know and have this view of their heavenly Father, as a heavenly father who wants to be their parent. John 16:27For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.” He wants to adopt us as His own. Romans 8:15-16 “… but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:” He wants us to think that way, of ourselves as His children and He as our Father.

          The first things that happened when Adam and Eve sinned and fell was that they lost their relationship with the Father. Now He was just God to them, not Father. Maybe you know that He is God, but that isn’t enough, you need to know Him as a loving Father who cares about you and everything concerning you. You need to see Him as daddy, father. This view of God as our Father doesn’t make a man weak but makes him strong and loving, compassionate and warm. This doesn’t make a woman needing other people all the time but makes her confident so that she doesn’t need the affections of this world and will not sell her body cheaply to feel loved.

Sometimes we just have a legal relationship with the Father as God. But this is not the will nor desire of the Father. He must be richer and more meaningful and real than that. God doesn’t want us to go through life just thinking of Him as our religious leader but as our Father.  It causes us to learn a little religion and then try to bandage up our fractures by doing for God and we try to impress God with our obedience but yet he is not impressed. We attempt to earn and deserve His approval, but yet it doesn’t come because we can’t earn or deserve it in ourselves or by anything that we can do for Him. Why? There is a reason why you can’t earn or deserve God’s love and approval. And that is because it is simply too expensive. It has to come as a gift for it is too valuable to be given to us on the basis of our own worth or religiosity. God approves us as a gift because of the shed blood of Jesus, because of His beloved, who gave His life for us and died for us and we believe that He is the propitiation for our sins.

God didn’t create man because He was incomplete or lonely. He created man because He was so full of love that He wanted it to spill over into someone else. He had so much love and was so satisfied with it that He wanted to give it to others and pour out His love on them. God didn’t decide that He had nothing better to do, that there was nothing else because He had enough angels, worlds and universes and He was lonely and unfulfilled so He would make man. Oh, as if we could satisfy the heart of God, that He needs us to be complete. No, but He can satisfy our hearts and when we are satisfied with His love, that is what satisfies Him.

You remember when Jesus was baptized and came up out of the water and heard the voice from heaven saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). This gave Him an added sense of security. The word for beloved is the Greek agapetos, ag-ap-ay-tos' meaning beloved or dear and it comes from the root word agapao, ag-ap-ah'-o meaning to love or be loved.

There are several promises in the Bible where you see the word beloved. Here are a few. He gives His beloved Safety and Rest; Deuteronomy 33:12 “The beloved of the LORD shall dwell in safety by him; and the LORD shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders.

The Beloved is delivered; Psalm 60:5. “That thy beloved may be delivered; save with thy right hand,

He gives sleep to the beloved; Psalm 127:2. “he giveth his beloved sleep.”

God gives angelic intervention to his beloved; Daniel 9:23. “I am come to show thee; for thou art greatly beloved:

He tells us to fear not; Daniel 10:19. “O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee,”

God will avenge his beloved; Romans 12:19. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

God calls us His beloved; Romans 9:25. “I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.”

He warns His beloved; 1 Corinthians 4:14. “but as my beloved sons I warn you.”

He accepts us in Christ, The beloved; Ephesians 1:6-7. “wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

His beloved acts like Him; Ephesians 5:1. “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;

He chooses His beloved; Ephesians 1:4. “he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world,”

He keeps, preserves His beloved; Jude 1:1. “to them that are sanctified by God the Father, and preserved in Jesus Christ, and called:”

Do you want all these things, to have safety and rest, to be delivered from your enemies, to have restful sleep, angelic intervention, warned, to be chosen, loved, prospered and kept in our time of need and to act like Him? That is what God does for His beloved. We are His beloved, the Bride of His Son Jesus.

What would you give to be able to hear the voice of God clearly, daily? Oh, how wonderful that would be. Not to wake up to hear a voice telling us of some list to complete, jobs to do or whatever, the problems to fix but “my beloved”. Would you not be satisfied? Would that not be worth more than anything else and overshadow whatever you might face during your day ahead? If you woke up every morning hearing the voice of God saying, “My beloved” you wouldn’t lust or need evil web sites or sin or the worlds money and attention, fame or fortune. You would be satisfied. You wouldn’t even need your wife or husband to treat you right all the time because you would be satisfied by God.

If you will hear the words everyday, “My beloved, my darling” it will open up a flood of wisdom in your life, a flood of peace in your life, of healing, power, anointing and direction and understanding. When will that flood start? When we listen to the voice of love, “My darling, my beloved.” You can die in peace when you hear those words. You can know that you have been satisfied with your life when you hear those words. This is not theology or religious jargon, but this is how we were created and what we were for. To fulfill our purpose in life begins with knowing we are loved. To overcome temptation comes from knowing that we are his beloved, we are his blood, his body. Does a boy need to hear that, yes. Does a girl need to hear that, yes. Does every adult need to hear that, yes. To hear God call you His beloved and to know that He is saying, all that I am and all that I have is yours, you can have it if you will believe and appropriate it into your life by believing my word and obeying it.

How do we heal this father fracture?

(1) We need to hear the voice of love everyday, to wake up hearing the voice of love calling you, “my beloved.” If you wake up hearing something like, “you really messed up last night, you blew it yesterday,” then know who is speaking to you and accusing you and reminding you of something that may or may not even be true or something you just did, but something from your past already under the blood, if you confessed it to the Father and asked forgiveness for it, it doesn’t exist any more, it is covered by the blood and as if it never happened, though their might be consequences of reaping what you have sown, you are still forgiven and no longer under condemnation for that sin.

But that doesn’t stop the accuser from trying. He will condemn you for having a bad dream that he sent to you. So wake up and don’t worry about what kind of night you had or dream you had, especially if the enemy attacked you during your sleep, but hear the voice of the Father calling you, “My beloved.” Don’t worry about even a failure yesterday, if you put it under the blood then know that your heavenly Father says, this is a new day, “My mercies are new every morning, this is the day that the Lord hath made and His mercy and loving kindness are renewed every morning and you are my beloved.” That will wash your mind with healing power and renew your spirit with the knowledge of His forgiveness and you are delivered from the power of the enemy and you can be secure in His love, mercy and faithfulness to the covenant of the blood of Jesus. You won’t have to worry about who thinks what about you or what the devil says about you.

(2) To heal the Father fracture we need to reconnect where Adam disconnected by believing what God has said. Adam disconnect from God when he choose to believe something other than what God said, when he choose to rebel against God’s command and disobey for his wife’s sake, choosing her over God. When will we get it that sin is not lying, cheating and stealing or whatever? That is the fruit of sin, not the root of sin. The root of sin is that we are believing something other than what God has said, we are believing a lie and acting on it, because when we believe something other than what God has said, then like Eve we will look for something else that God has not provided for us, but the enemy has provided to deceive and put us in bondage through our unbelief of God’s Word. When we do not believe God’s Word, we will look outside of Him and His provision for us for our happiness but when we believe His Word, we will rest in it and be satisfied with what He has given us and so we won’t look for sex outside the bonds of marriage, we won’t turn to alcohol or drugs, we won’t lie or steal to get our way, because we will rest in His love and be satisfied with what He has provided for us.

That is how we must live our lives. All that God has ever wanted from man, is that we would believe Him, believe His Word because then, we would live by it and allow it to influence our decisions and actions in life and we would have everything we need and want in Him, we would be complete in Him, we would be satisfied with our life from Him and not look to anything else. The reason that faith is so important and preached and why we have to live by faith is because faith tells God, “I believe you, I believe what you said and I will live by what you said.” That is what pleases God, nothing but our faith in believing His Word. We need to come to the place in life where no mater what is going on in our life, we believe God, we still believe His Word, knowing that it isn’t about our current situation or problems in life and those things will pass and a new day will come. Where we go wrong is when bad things happen to good people and we ask, “why did that happen, why did God allow that to happen, why didn’t God stop it or do this or that, why didn’t God come through for me.” Instead of asking all those questions, let us make up or minds, no matter what happens to our lives or the lives of those around us that we will believe what God said. When something happens that you don’t understand the first things we usually do is ask God, “Why did you let that happen?” Stop it! That is a question that comes from doubt and unbelief.

There was a little girl 4 years old that asked her daddy, “tell me what sex is, tell me what sex means.” He said, “Honey, let me tell you something. Pick up my suitcase and carry it to the other side of the room.” She tried and then said, “daddy, this is to heavy for me to carry. This is too much for me to carry.” He said, “Honey when you get older you will be able to carry more. The same way there are some things you might want to know about but you’re just not able to carry it right now, but as you grow older you will be able to carry those things.” Instead of having to figure everything else or asking God, “God, you have to tell me this, you have to answer my question, we need to know and understand that if we were ready for it and could handle it, God would tell us and let us know the answer to some things that He has not given us the reason for or knowledge of because we are just not ready to carry that burden. You can’t understand everything or figure everything out and you don’t have to, you only need to trust your Father, trust Him who is faithful and has your best interest at heart. I don’t understand it all and can’t understand it all but I don’t need to as long as I know my Father loves me, forgives me, protests me and is providing for me.

Most of our problems come from having a father fracture that shapes how we react to things, how we see the world and how we relate to and treat others. For some it may start out as a small fracture or crack in your heart, while for others this fracture is more severe due to abuse, neglect or abandonment. The constant struggle with temptation, low self-esteem, inferiority and insecurity all comes from not knowing the true love of a father.

The good news is that these struggles can be a thing of the past when you discover the true love of the Father from your heavenly Father by allowing His love to be shed abroad in your heart through the power of the Holy Spirit. We can experience the overwhelming and unconditional love that God has for us, we can know that the love of our heavenly Father is the solution to all fear, depression and insecurity in our lives if we will hear His voice saying, “You are my son, my daughter, I love you, I gave my Son for you, I forgive you, I have chosen you to be my beloved, to be joined to my Son for all eternity.” If we can hear His voice and believe His Word, then it will bring healing of our emotions, healing of our fractured hearts and repair the damage done from not having the right relationship with our earthly father that God meant for us to have, by receiving His love for us and allowing it to fill the emptiness and the hurts in our lives, to all His love to be a balm of Gilead, to allow the Holy Spirit to pour the oil and wine into our souls and heal our wounds and make us whole in Christ.

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